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FINALLY! My wife and I watch porn together!

Okay, so it’s not the first time but it’s been a while (a long while) so I was nervous about suggesting it. But her period was due and that’s when she’s at her horniest so I gave it a shot. It all happened last Friday night…

We’d sent our daughter to bed earlier and then watched Don Jon in our ‘media room’ (a great movie, I recommend it) and when it finished I suggested we watch something a little racier. She simply replied “Mmmm’kay” so I pulled out the iPad and went to YouPorn and entered ‘Black cock’ in their search box.

It’s not a genre I’m at all interested in myself (because they’re always MONSTER COCKS ie bigger than me) but it’s a genre (#interracial) second only to my wife’s favorite (#taboo) on Literotica.com and I couldn’t very well enter that, since ISP’s tend to frown on that subject.

So I selected the highest rated clip (90%) and played it on the big screen via our Apple TV. It was good but 4+ minutes later it finished without a money shot, just a prompt for the full video available via their own website (not Youporn). So I clicked on the next highest rated and it also finished without a money shot, just another tease for the full video available via their own website (same one as before). When I played a third clip it also finished without a money shot, just a tease for [blah blah] so I stopped the clip and went back to the home page in search of a full video.

"Hey!" said my wife, loudly and clearly irritated “why do you keep stopping them?”

I to tried explain that the clips were stopping at the 4+ minute mark themselves and that I was just trying to find a longer one that finished with the money shot, but inwardly I chuckled (to myself) since my wife was obviously quite keen on these big black cock videos.

We watched a longer one (25 minutes) and after 10 minutes I unzipped myself and pulled my erect cock out and started stroking it - I wanted to get this party started! "Oooh, you like that do you?" said my wife, as if I was a naughty boy. "Maybe" I replied, nonchalantly, as I removed my pants completely and started jerking off in earnest.

It took my wife less than 2 minutes to follow my lead - she lifted her hips and shucked off her skirt and started touching herself over her panties. She was staring at the screen, and glancing occasionally at me jacking my stiff cock - but mainly staring intently at the screen! She was enjoying it, clearly.

I crawled over, kneeling beside her on the sofa and started stroking my cock in her direction (I’d been thinking “why are we both masturbating side by side while staring at a screen”) so she turned her head and started flicking her tongue over my cock, circling it, and then eventually taking it in her mouth. I started thrusting in and out and she held my cock and balls in one hand while still continuing to rub herself with the other.

Her eyes continued to flick from me (well, my cock at least!) to the screen and then back again - and then back to the screen again. The guy on the video was really face fucking the blonde hard, and when he stopped to slam his meat into her wet pussy I figured it was time for us to do likewise. I pulled out of my wife’s mouth and sat back on the sofa.

"You can fuck me now" I instructed, but my wife didn’t need any prompting. She jumped up and straddled my legs, before sitting back and down on my dick - engulfing it with her tight wet pussy in the reverse cow girl position. She lent forward and started bouncing up and down, hard and fast, and she felt super tight. She was wet and slick but really tight and it didn’t take more than a few minutes before I was grabbing her hips and thrusting up into her, pumping her full of my hot seed.

Typing this has made me rock hard again, so we’ll take a break and I’ll tell you Part Two (hers) tomorrow….

How often do married people have sex? And some statistics on cheating…

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The Daily Beast have created this promo for the movie The Other Woman, starring Cameron Diaz and Kate Upton (pictured). The clip is well worth watching (see it here) but here are some of the salient statistics:

1]  21% of married men claim to have had an affair

2]  The average married couple have sex 58 times a year

3]  4% of married couples have an affair in a given year

4]  44% of adults admit to having extramarital sex at least once (so if 21% of them are men [see #1 above] does that mean 23% of cheaters are women?) 

5]  25% of married men say their mistresses are in better shape than their wives (does that mean 75% aren’t?)

6]  There are 21 states in the US where adultery is punishable by law.

7]  There are 129 ‘Beyond Affairs’ Support Groups in the US (seems low?)

8]  5% of 40 year old men experience long term Erectile Dysfunction (ED)

9]  84% of people surveyed think cheating is immoral (the other 16% were probably guilty of what they were being asked, right?)

I haven’t actually seen The Other Woman yet (have you - was it any good?) but I was fascinated by #2 above - that married couples have (on average) sex 58 times a year. That’s less than I thought and it gives me some comfort since (as you’ll know from reading this blog) I’ve long felt I haven’t been having as much sex as I’d like with my wife. But it seems on average we’re doing no better or worse than the average couple.

I’m no expert but I think the number 58 can be broken down this way:

Obligatory Sex - once a week x 52 weeks = 52

Fuck you, I’m seriously pissed off - twice a year = -2

His Birthday - once a year = 1

Her Birthday - once a year = 1

Their Wedding Anniversary - once a year = 1

Valentines Day - once a year = 1

New Years Eve - once a year = 1

Vacation ‘bonus’ sex - twice a year = 2

That time a young attractive guy was seriously hitting on her - once a year = 1

TOTAL : 58 (the national average)

TMI Tuesday: April 22, 2014 ~ Odds & Ends

This week’s TMI Tuesday is an outlet for the quirky you. It’s titled Odd and Ends because it is the leftover ideas, questions, and thoughts that couldn’t fit into a theme - but I know it’s TMI and you want to share :)

Let’s Play…

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1. How addicted are you? You are in a rush, there is no time to make your morning coffee or stop to buy it. However, you can save time and get your “energy high” by brushing your teeth with a caffeine-infused toothbrush. Would you buy and use this product? Why or why not?

No, because … hell no! That’s nasty. (I drink one coffee a day, minimum, and I love it - there’s always time for a coffee, somewhere).

2. You made a sex list of all the things you’d like to do but haven’t done. The list was lost and discovered by your boss at work. He/she ask if they can help you tick a few items off the list. What do you say?

It would depend on the boss. If she’s kinda hot, I would. The fact that she was asking/suggesting it would make her kinda hot. Anyone who offered to tick off my bucket list would probably qualify, as long as they didn’t creep me out.

3. Sex around the house. Have you ever been bent over the kitchen counter or bent a lover over the kitchen counter and fucked? What did you like most about it? What did you like least?

No I haven’t, but I’ve wanted to. But wifey don’t play dat.

4. Sexting…How do you really feel about it?
a. Meh? Not my thing.
b. Can take it or leave it, usually have to be begged to do it
c. I like it, it’s like foreplay.
d. Love it! I’m always sending naughty notes and steamy pics.
e. What’s your number? I have a daily sexting list, wanna sign up?

I like ii (it is like foreplay), but again, wifey don’t play dat.

5. What do you love to sniff? Why?

I’m not a panty sniffer but yes I do love to sniff. A woman’s aroma is hotter than the sun. I always inhale deeply when I’m ‘down there’. Oh yes, and the rest of the body aint too bad either!

Bonus: What is it? Explain how you would use it.

whatisit_april22

It looks like a punishment device for men. You slip it over his cock when he’s flaccid and then it hurts when he gets hard. Maybe you could use it as a kind of ‘chastity belt’ - but not on me. Homey don’t play dat. Let me squeeze your nipples instead, if you’re into pain.

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Okay, this is interesting….

Initially she doesn’t appear too into the whole thing (as if she’s just doing it [the video/anal] for his benefit) but then she starts to get into the sex and starts rubbing her clit and bouncing up and down on his dick hard and fast. And then she sounds like she’s about to cum and then she seems to cum.

If I was her man I’d probably buy the whole thing and think she’d cum too (because I’m guessing from her sly smirk at the end that he did).

But then I realise that the whole time she’s ‘cumming’ her hand is not on her clit and she’s ‘only’ bouncing up and down on his dick - which is in her ass. Maybe she’s smirking becuase she fooled him, and thinks its funny it only took 2 minutes to get him off?

Or am I overthinking it? Maybe anal orgasms for women (without additional stimulation) are real? If you know, please enlighten us… i know some of you have blogged about cumming via anal.

(Source: onlytheshaved)

My wife just signed up for Snapchat - WTF?

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The title says it all, but I’ll say it again: My wife just signed up for Snapchat - what.the.fuck?

If you don’t know what it is, Snapchat is an app that allows you to send photos from your phone to someone and that photo will delete itself in 10 seconds or less (depending on what you set it for). This is a great way to send your lover a nude selfie if (like my wife) you’re a little shy and worried the image might be shared or fall into the wrong hands. The only problem is… my wife hasn’t told me she signed up to Snapchat, nor has she invited me into her Snapchat friends list.

I won’t bore you with the results of my google search, but there are plenty of websites claiming Snapchat is NOT just about sending NSFW photos… but they all say it in the same way that guys used to claim they bought Playboy for the articles. Sure, there may be other ways to use Snapchat but…

Interestingly, my wife falls directly into the demographic of Snapchat’s growing users (ie not teens) as quoted by Wikipedia:

The application’s main demographic is users between 13 and 23 years of age; with a growing 40-years-and-over user base … Snapchat is often used to send self-portraits, called “selfies,” and 30 percent of Snaps are sent to groups.

Oh yes, let me explain who invited her into Snapchat: some of those new rich friends I keep whining about. They’re an ‘exclusive’ bunch of privileged monied assholes and Snapchat is just perfect for sending messages you don’t want left on the internet. And I’ve absolutely no doubt some of the guys in the group are going to send her dick shots and claim later they were drunk and meant to send it someone else.

The other thing my google search revealed was that it’s actually really easy to save the photos you receive via Snapchat before they self destruct. You either take a screenshot or download another app that saves them for you before they delete. 

So, dear reader… can you enlighten me on your experience with Snapchat? Do you use it, and if so, how do you use it? I presume you’re not sharing recipes…

TMI Tuesday: April 15, 2014 ~ Vacation Holiday

In many areas around the world, vacation season is approaching. This week’s TMI Tuesday asks you to tell us about your vacation style. Thank you to Virtual Sin for the questions.

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1) What mode of transportation do you prefer for vacation: a) car, b) bus, c) train, d) cruise ship, e) airplane, f) other?

I generally fly somewhere distant and then hire a car, or get on a cruise ship.

2) What baggage strategy do you use when flying: a) carry-on only, b) gate check excess bags, c) check baggage, d) ship bags ahead, e) other?

I generally check baggage, unless it’s a short trip when I try to use carry on only.

3) What is your accommodation strategy: a) luxury hotel, b) bed and breakfast c) cheap hotel/motel, d) stay with family/friends, e) camping or RV, e) other?

I started with D now I’m A - but I’m quite easy going and can manage any letter listed.

4) What world-famous places have you visited on vacation? These can be commercial tourist attractions (Disney World), museums (The Louvre), historic places (Gettysburg), natural wonders (Yellowstone, Yosemite), or anything else?

Jay-sus! Where haven’t I been? I have 75 pins on my Tripadvisor map - at which point I stopped pinning because friends were making snide comments on Facebook. I’ve been all through Europe, Asia, Australia and the Pacific Islands … several times. I’ve ticked off all the big ones in all those places. 

5) Where do you really, really want to go someday?

South America! I don’t know why but I’ve never been down there. I keep planning to go to Brazil for mardi gras but I’ve never quite made it (yet).

6) What you would you like to go back to see again?

I once drove from Rome to Paris, taking 9 weeks to do it and stopping everywhere in between. I think I could do that again, it was fantastic!

Bonus: Have you ever had sex with someone you just met while on vacation? Tell us about it.  ~ No.

Bonus, Bonus: While vacationing, have you ever had sex in a moving car, bus, train, or airplane?  No - my wife is immune to my suggestions. I’m always trying, and she’s always refusing. I tried once to make love to her on a hotel balcony (at night, in the dark, 24 floors up) but she was convinced people in the hotel across the street (it was Vegas) would see us. But she’s not completely unadventurous - I did manage to snap a nude pic of her once on our private balcony while on a cruise ship (but only because we were completely surrounded by open water as far as the eye could see!!)

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link totmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

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