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I had sex - vacation sex!

Monday’s post 'I Scored Again!' reminded me that I didn’t post about the sex I had while on vacation a week earlier. I couldn’t post then (because I was on vacation, silly) but I can tell you that story now…

We were in Las Vegas for a 4 day trade show my wife had to attend and we’d brought our daughter with us, as well as the in-laws. They were supposed to baby sit our daughter, but with the exception of one 3 hour shift while we were at the trade show on the first day they pretty much spent all their free time in the casino. 

Which left me as the babysitter, trying to keep my kid occupied and entertained in Sin City. So we did what any kid wants to do in Vegas (while my wife was at the trade show): we did the rides at The Stratosfear, spent a day at the amusement park inside Circus Circus, and spent the rest of the time in a mall. So I was pretty bored.

I was also frustrated, since my wife and I hadn’t had sex for a fortnight (not even the pre-vacation sex you have when you’re about to go on vacation with your child and your parents!!) and… well… it was Sin City after all. There is plenty of sexy stuff going on!

Not that we got any opportunity to sample it, since my wife was more interested in the trade show and then having her parents join us at every opportunity. And then when we got back to our hotel room we were sharing it with our daughter - me in one bed and my wife and daughter in the other.

The night before the night before we were leaving I couldn’t sleep. I read my iPad while my wife and daughter went to sleep in their in their bed. By 2am I still couldn’t sleep and was quite restless. I looked over at my wife and saw she was asleep, but with the covers half off. One leg was exposed, the covers pulled back to her crotch. 

I stared at her for a while and a wicked thought entered my head.

I got up and walked over to her bed. Standing above her I lent down and gently pressed my hand down on her pussy. She moaned, wriggled, but did not wake up. I continued what I was doing, pressing my palm down and manipulating her vulva. She moaned a little more and I wondered if she was still asleep, or just pretending. I bent right over and ran my wet tongue up and down her slit. Then I fingered her, pressing hard against her clit, the way I know she likes it. I felt her hand cover mine, and press me deeper, harder. She was awake now.

I continued what I was doing, neither of us saying a word since my daughter was only a foot away, in my wife’s bed. Eventually my wife stilled my hand and whispered thank you. I wasn’t sure if she’d cum or not** or just thought things were getting too dangerous with my daughter asleep next to her.

I got my answer a minute later, after I’d hopped back into my own bed. My wife snuck out of hers and crawled into mine. She snuggled up behind me and reached over to grab my cock. Returning the favor she began stroking me, I was already hard. Very hard. I rolled onto my back, hoping she’d blow me, but since it was dark and we weren’t talking, she didn’t pick up on this. 

Without warning she climbed up and straddled my cock, a bold move on her part since although it was dark our daughter would have spotted her immediately had she woken up. My wife was bouncing (quietly and slowly!) on my dick and I presumed she was finishing herself off after my foreplay in her bed. I grabbed her hips and tried to thrust hard (but quietly!) up into her sopping wet cunt. It wasn’t easy ‘holding back’ and I desperately wanted to flip her over and pile into her. 

When she stopped and dismounted I was past the point of no return - I crawled between her legs, hoisted her ankles, and slid my cock back inside her. I started thrusting slowly at first but picked up the pace as my orgasm built. I no longer cared if my daughter woke up (terrible, I know! damn you #lust!) and lent forward and started pounding my wife. Her knees were bent and her ankles were around my ears now, and I knew I was going to cum. "I’m cumming" I whispered, as my wife grabbed my hips now and pulled me closer, deeper. "Yessss…" she hissed back in reply, as I filled her good ‘n plenty. (Like I said, it had been a while). Spent, we both slumped down and snuggled together silently, falling asleep.

**(she said later that she had)

Some Dude Stole My Idea!! The Sex Spreadsheet?

Maybe you’ve heard about this already, as I did, but I’ve only been able to blog about it now. A guy created a spreadsheet detailing the number of times he tried to have sex with his wife, her reasons for declining to have sex with him, and the number of times they actually had sex. When he emailed it to his wife, obviously frustrated and as ‘a cry for help’, his wife responded by posting the spreadsheet on line (Reddit) to mock him:

"Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, my husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone. He’s never done this, we always communicate in person or by text. I open it up, and it’s a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won’t miss me for the 10 days I’m gone. Attached is a spreadsheet of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1st, with a column for my ‘excuses’, using verbatim quotes of why I didn’t feel like having sex at that very moment. According to his ‘document’, we’ve only had sex three times in the last seven weeks, out of 27 ‘attempts’ on his part."

I naturally have a view on this, but lets take a peep at the spreadsheet first shall we?


Firstly: Dude! I’ve been there - I feel your pain! A long time ago I blogged about my plans to publish a novelty book entitled "101 Reasons Not To Have Sex With Your Husband ~ By ‘My Wife’. Because dammit ladies, you sure come up with some real BS reasons not to have sex with us, and sometimes (my wife especially) you can get stupendously creative! But we know you’re lying and eventually we (well, me at least) inevitably make the connection: you’re just not into us (sexually). If you wanted to fuck us you would, but you don’t - so you don’t.

Which (as I’ve noted in this blog many times previously) is a damned shame. The sex blogs are full of men and women complaining that their respective partners show no interest in them sexually, or fail to meet their needs when they do. What a shame we (those denied) can’t all get together and relieve the tension!

Secondly: Dude, I feel your pain but this is not the way to do it. You gotta talk with your wife. I emailed my wife once, outlining my serious concerns, so that she could read it on the plane and think about it during her 4 day business trip. She replied from the airport acknowledging what I’d said and agreed that we had issues we needed to talk about and resolve. She promised we would when she got back, but when she did she swept it under the carpet, preferring not to talk about it.

While many female commenters on the various online publications of this story have mainly sided with the wife and also mocked the husband; I think this commenter in Esquire is on point: 

"[we] have no idea how many times this man has attempted to speak to his wife about this issue. She could also be ignoring his attempts to talk to her about it. You [he’s replying to another commenter] have no idea what goes on with these people, but you are upset with the people who side with the husband. You are equally wrong for automatically siding with the wife. And maybe she was so engrossed in her work that the desperate husband decided to send it to the work email so she would actually read it.”

I know from my own experience that my wife has put her career first, and it has impacted negatively on our intimacy. I know I’ve tried many times to address the issue in a meaningful way but at the end of the day she just doesn’t want to change the way she lives her life. She’s happy the way things are.

As one woman commented in the Elle story:

While he definitely could have gone about this in a much better way, I’m with the husband… 3 times in 7 weeks??? I’m sorry but I’d be pissed off too. The excuses are lame. And just that, excuses. That’s your husband!! He loves and desires and wants his wife…isn’t that a good thing? A lot of men would eventually get sick of being neglected and seek it somewhere else. Humans need touch and connection. You married him and now he gets this? Obviously something bigger is going on in the relationship.

And I’ll leave the last word (since it matches mine) to another female commenter in Elle:

And by her posting it for the whole world to see, what does it say about her character?

(Does that make me a hypocrite? Possibly)


TMI Tuesday: July 22, 2014 ~ Can we talk… relationships?

relationship diagram

1. What is the first thing that pops into your mind when you see an attractive person? ~ Wow - she’s attractive! My immediate thought is not “mmmm, I’d like to bend her over and fuck her”, but isn’t usually far behind!

2. What is your idea of a dream date? Describe the person and the type of date experience. ~ Ha! I’ve been married so long I’ve been round in circles several times on this subject. Plenty of ‘dates’ in the early years, then you get ‘comfortable’ and prefer to stay in more, then you get in a rut, then you institute ‘date night’, then she gets busy with her work and ‘date night’ falls by the wayside, then you have kids and there’s no time for anything else, and then you’re in a really bad rut and a counsellor suggests ‘date nights’, and then you try those again, and then she’s busy with work again and you have to mind the children, and… sorry, what was the question again? My ideal date would be one where we end up having sex afterwards. It’s really awful when you’ve had (what you think/know was) a great night out but when you get home to bed… nada!

3. How many serious relationships have you had? Were you in love? ~ I had a few serious relationships before I met and married my wife. Probably about three serious ones, and a few that were treated seriously but I knew were not going to be longterm. I was in love with two other women before I met my wife.

4. How many casual sexual relationships have you had? ~ Ha! At my age, who can remember. I wasn’t big on ‘one night stands’ (although I did try, and had my share) but since I only swept with women I found interesting i tended to gravitate into a relationship once I had bedded them. These may have only lasted 1-3 months, but they were good relationships. And no, I never led any of these women on.

5. What will ruin a relationship for you? ~ Lack of intimacy. Both mentally and physically. 

Bonus: What is your definition of sexy? ~ oh, I’m such a girl… I want a woman who can make me laugh. A woman who’s smile is so radiant you know she’d really happy (or you’ve just made her really happy). I want her eyes to light up when I flirt with her. I’m not fussed with body types, so she doesn’t need to be a Size 0 with big boobs (I’m more of a butt man anyway) (mmmm, I love taking a woman from behind) she just needs to be ‘down to fuck’ - by which I mean, when we go at it she needs to be involved and enjoy what she’s doing/what I’m doing/what we’re doing. A woman getting of is very sexy! Oh, and I need to be able to talk to her in a meaningful way since Man does not live by sex alone!!


How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

I scored again!


Those of you familiar with the hashtag below will know I’m making an effort to record the times I actually have sex with my wife, given I’m prone to whining and complaining about my dire sex life.

I can confirm that I had sex with my wife on Saturday night, after a fancy client function/dinner that moved to an after party and then me pulling her onto the sofa as soon as we got in at 2am. She seemed surprised that we weren’t ‘going to bed’ but (as I’ve mentioned in previous blogs) she gets bored with ‘routine’, so I have to surprise her if I want any.

Besides, she was very tipsy and obviously horny from all the attention she’d been getting from various men that night.

She was kinda surprised when I pushed her down and then lifted her legs as I pulled her panties off. And then I started eating her out, while she still had her glamorous evening dress on. She came three times before I pulled my cock out, turned her around, and mounted her from behind. I had her in the doggy position on the sofa while I stood behind her and banged her mercilessly (she later expressed surprise at my stamina, which was actually fuelled by alcohol i.e. it delayed my orgasm).

I came after sticking my thumb in her ass and fucking her while I held her bowling ball style. But this time I made sure to ask her first:

"can I stick my thumb in your butt?"

"huh? what?"

"can I stick my thumb in your butt?"

"uh, er, okay"

BANG! It was on… she came again, when I did.

Then we collapsed on the sofa and fell asleep, getting up at 5am to return to bed. She slept in till 11am so I think it ‘was job well done’ on my part. 

[PS - I’ve got a great post for you on Wednesday, after TMI Tuesday, so make sure you come back - or better yet ‘follow’/’subscribe’ to this Tumblr blog!]

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